React Or Respond?

“Action and reaction are equal and opposite, and are expressed simultaneously. Sequentially they are repeated in reverse, the reaction becoming the action and the action the reaction” (Walter Russell, polymath, artist, Metaphysical philosopher).

The gap between the stimulus and response is where our power lies.  Even a few seconds of pause can shift us from a reactive emotional state to a more considered one.  According to author, psychology professor, and sports psychology consultant, Dr. Jim Taylor, “Two essential words in our lexicon are react and respond. At first blush, they seem to have the same meaning, and my thesaurus indicates that each is a synonym for the other. Yet, through my work, I have come to see a profound difference in the meaning of these two words, particularly when faced with difficult situations. Each of these words produces different reactions/responses to life experiences, particularly stressful ones. Would you rather react or respond to a situation? The Latin root of ‘react’ [,reagere,] is ’back, to do, perform.’ The key takeaway is that you are taking action back at someone or something. In contrast, the Latin root of ‘respond’ [,respondere,] is ‘back, answer.’ The key takeaway is that you are answering back to someone or something, usually in words” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/).

Reactions are automatic and emotion-driven; responses are intentional and thoughtful. Training ourselves to notice the difference is the first step to choosing the latter. Reactions are often off-the-cuff, not considered first, and demonstrate low-emotional intelligence.  “Individuals with low emotional intelligence may struggle to identify or express their own emotions and often find it difficult to empathize with others. This can make them resistant to feedback, hindering their ability to learn and improve. Difficulty regulating emotions may lead to outbursts of anger or frustration and make it challenging to navigate social situations”(https://www.simplypsychology.org/signs-of-low-emotional-intelligence.html).

Consider the current President of the US and others in his administration. How many of these signs of low emotional intelligence [EI] do they demonstrate?

• “Poor Emotional Regulation - People with low EI often have difficulty regulating their own emotions. Without fully understanding their emotional triggers, they struggle to maintain control of their immediate reactions and might experience overly intense feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness. They may be prone to emotional outbursts, find it difficult to control their impulses, or allow negative emotions to dominate their thoughts and behaviors. In stressful situations, they don’t take time to cool off before responding. They tend to respond too quickly, sharply, or disjointly.

• Lack of Empathy - One of the most prominent signs of low emotional intelligence is a lack of empathy. Due to limited social awareness, people with low EI have a reduced ability to empathize and feel compassion toward others (Shutte et al., 2001). This manifests as an inability to understand and share the feelings of others, leading to difficulties in forming and maintaining meaningful relationships. This lack of empathy can lead to behaviors that are perceived as insensitive, inconsiderate, and even hurtful, ultimately hindering the development of healthy relationships. When having a conversation, they lack active listening skills, and they are often oblivious to the emotional cues present in their social interactions. Such individuals may be insensitive to others’ needs and perspectives, often appearing self-centered in social interactions. In addition to being unresponsive to other people’s emotions, they might also be extremely judgmental and criticize the experiences of others in an insensitive way. When their inappropriate behavior is noticed by others, they tend to become defensive rather than apologize for their own actions.

• Poor Social Skills - Individuals with low emotional intelligence may exhibit poor social skills, making it difficult for them to navigate social situations effectively. They have difficulty working well within teams, minimizing other people’s points of view, or not actively participating in conversations during meetings. They also might tend to jump to their own solutions to a problem without allowing others to express alternative plans that might be more effective.

• Difficulty With Self-Awareness - Low emotional intelligence is often accompanied by a lack of self-awareness. They are unaware of their own blind spots and have difficulty accepting criticism. Individuals may be unaware of their strengths and weaknesses, their impact on others, and the underlying reasons for their behaviors. This lack of introspection can hinder personal growth and prevent them from understanding how their actions contribute to their challenges. Without self-awareness, individuals are at the mercy of their emotions and may struggle to manage them effectively. They may be prone to emotional outbursts, make impulsive decisions, or fail to recognize how their feelings are influencing their actions.

• Resistance To Feedback - Individuals with low emotional intelligence often struggle with self-awareness, leading to blind spots in their perception. This lack of self-awareness can make them resistant to feedback, as they might overestimate their competence or fail to acknowledge their limitations. Emotional intelligence also involves the ability to manage one’s emotions effectively, particularly in challenging situations. Receiving feedback, especially negative feedback, can trigger strong emotional reactions, such as defensiveness, anger, or shame. Individuals with high emotional intelligence are better equipped to regulate these emotions, allowing them to process the feedback constructively without becoming overwhelmed or lashing out. Conversely, individuals with low emotional intelligence might struggle to control their emotional responses, leading to resistance or rejection of the feedback. They might perceive the criticism as a personal attack rather than an opportunity for growth, hindering their ability to learn and improve” (https://www.simplypsychology.org/signs-of-low-emotional-intelligence.html ).

From my observation, all of these signs shows up in the current ‘leadership’ of the USA. Think about the AI “Trump as Jesus” image from April 13, 2026: Trump posted an AI-generated image on Truth Social depicting himself as Jesus Christ, causing outrage among Christian and Catholic communities.  He seemed not to understand why this was so offensive to so many of us. When asked about it by reporters, Trump reacted by making up a ridiculously implausible ‘explanation.’  He said it was him “as a doctor making people better”  He doubled down in a CBS News interview saying he viewed it as an image of him playing doctor and “fixing” people (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBf0aLIfUG4). No one can respond well when flooded with emotion.  Techniques like deep breathing, grounding, or briefly stepping away help bring our nervous system back to a manageable state. To be able to respond rather than react “from the gut”, these are helpful steps:

• Understand our triggers.- Knowing what sets us off and why gives us foresight.  Any triggers are rooted in past experiences or unmet needs, not the present situation.

• Listen to understand, no to reply. - Reactive people often stop listening the moment they feel provoked.  Genuine listening, even when it’s hard, leads to better-calibrated responses.

• Consider the other person’s perspective. Assuming positive or neutral intent as the default reduces defensive reactions. We can ask ourselves, ‘What might be driving their behavior?’.

• Choose our communication style. - We can match our response to the situation - more assertive when boundaries matter, gentle when emotions are high, direct when clarity is needed. One style doesn’t fit all contexts.

• Own our part. - Reactions often escalate when people feel they have zero responsibility. Acknowledging our role, even a small one, de-escalates tension and models emotional intelligence and emotional maturity. It takes an emotionally mature / intelligent person to abmit when they are wrong, to apologize, and to make appropriate amends.

• Set boundaries, not ultimatums. - Responses that communicate litmus land better than reactive ultimatums.  For example, “I need XYZ” is grounded, but “If you do that again…” is driven by frustration. Consider how often TACO occurs from the White House. If you aren’t familiar with this colorful acronym, open this link for enlightenment: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2026/04/08/what-does-taco-mean-in-regards-to-trump-why-are-they-calling-him-taco/89513311007/ .

• Review and learn. - After a difficult interaction, reflect by asking ourselves, “Did I respond how I wanted to?”.  Over time, this builds self-awareness and improves our default responses.

• Embrace the Pause, Regulate, Respond (PRR) framework - as a key component of emotional regulation strategies: A. Pause -This initial step involves taking a moment to stop and reflect before reacting. It helps prevent impulsive responses that may escalate a situation. B. Regulate - After pausing, individuals focus on regulating their emotions. This can include deep breathing, grounding techniques, or other methods to calm oneself. C. Respond - Finally, after achieving a regulated state, individuals can respond thoughtfully and intentionally, rather than reactively. This promotes healthier interactions and decision-making.  This framework is often utilized in therapeutic settings, particularly within the context of the Attachment, Regulation, and Competency (ARC) model, which addresses the needs of individuals affected by trauma (https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/interventions/attachment-regulation-and-competency-2024.pdf ; https://attachmenttraumanetwork.org/attachment-self-regulation-competency-arc/ ).

It’s tough these days to self-manage with all of the chaos swirling around us.  Still, choosing the RESPOND rather than REACT is the better option for maintaining our sanity, our humanity, and preserving our relationships. Do you struggle with choosing to respond rather than react?  What do you do to get back on the response track? Please share your stories, thoughts, insights, and suggestions by either commenting below this post if you are reading this on social media, or, if you are reading this through your email subscription, please share, by emailing me, at reimaginelife22@gmail.com.

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