What Defines You?

If I asked you, “Who are you…who are you really?”, what would you say?  How do you define yourself?  How do others define you?  Is how you define yourself the same as how others define you, or is there a disconnect?  How transparent are you?  Is your exterior life aligned with your inner life?  How can people tell who you truly are? What is the core of who you are?

I’ll bet many people say they define themselves by their name, their job and rank within it, relationship status, how many children they have, groups they are in. The answer to “Who are you and how are you defined? “ is likely bland and only positive facts.  Psychologist Aditya Shukla points out, “…if it were…simple [to define yourself in terms of facts], no one would have self-worth problems or lose their purpose in life.  Then there is a philosophical angle to answering ‘Who am I?.’ A nutritionist would say you are what you eat. A philosophy enthusiast may say you think; therefore, you are. A determinist would say you are what you were born to be. A non-determinist would say you are who you choose to be. From all the information there is, we highlight a specific aspect related to our identity and choose to use that as our primary descriptor. For example, [if someone is]…in the middle of a major career development, [they will] focus on [their] professional identity. Someone who just became a parent would then focus on being a parent more than being a child to someone else” (https://cognitiontoday.com/how-to-define-who-you-are-self-worth-and-identity/).  So, what defines you?

When I think of what defines, identifies someone, I think of how their professed internal values and moral compass match their observable external speech and behaviors. Is that person aligned or misaligned?  What defines that person is a matter of perspective.  For example, if a person defines themselves as an intelligent person but is closed-minded, is not curious and does not question everything, does not express themselves meaningfully and thoughtfully, is not adaptable, does not show or respect empathy, and does not appear to think critically, how can they be viewed as intelligent to others?  Their inner opinion of themselves is not aligned with the exterior observation of them by others. Someone can declare themselves ‘high IQ’ but if you don’t see outward signs to prove their declaration, they are not aligned with what they espouse in how they speak and behave; therefore, they are not likely ‘high IQ.’ Intelligence doesn’t matter how formally educated you are because there are a variety of ‘intelligences.’ If you aren’t familiar with Gardner’s Multiple Intelligences, read up on it: https://www.simplypsychology.org/multiple-intelligences.html . Here are more articles about observable, exterior signs of an intelligent person: https://www.bolde.com/15-signs-you-have-a-high-iq-that-cant-be-faked/ , https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-intelligence , https://www.thetechedvocate.org/15-subtle-signs-of-intelligence-that-you-might-not-recognize/ , https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/202603/6-signs-that-youre-actually-a-smart-person .

Who are you…who are you really?  How do you define yourself?  How do others define you?  Is how you define yourself the same as how others define you, or is there a disconnect?  How transparent are you?  Is your exterior life aligned with your inner life?  How can people tell who you truly are? What is the core of who you are? Please share your answers, thoughts, insights, and examples by either commenting below this post if you are reading this on social media, or, if you are reading this through your email subscription, please share, by emailing me, at MissyDuncanPhdofficial@gmail.com .  I invite you to subscribe to my blog at www.missyduncanphdofficial.com.